80+ Pandemic Jokes

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.

I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.

Son (in a happy tone): I know.

Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?

Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

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A text message exchange. One person asks, "busy later?", then asks, "free today?". The other person replies, "I have covid". The first person then responds, "oh fuck" and then writes, "lemme pound you w a mask on though".

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.