Health jokes
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it!
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
Your bitch has Covid-19.
Memes
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"
Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.