Health jokes

Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a boogie in it!

Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"

How do sick Mexicans say hello?

"Ebola."

How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.

What is Ronaldo's favorite fruit?

Oranges because they have vitamin C.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

Because he had too many FILL-INS.

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS!

Why was the rapper always in good shape?

Because he never skipped a beat!

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.

If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.