Health jokes
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
How much do the bones in your body weigh? A skele-ton!
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
Health feed fights grand gucxsrdcjcgfdz taxicab heaven reflection during harvesting.
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.