Health jokes
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?
Aaron with a rope.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
I slit my wrists.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
When you breathe.