Health jokes
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Memes
I slit my wrists.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
When you breathe.
Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,
And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.