Health jokes
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.