Health jokes
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.