Health jokes
Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?
Canned hunting.
Real Pokémon.
Anxiety evolved into depression. Depression was the final stage evolution.
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
Memes
Let me know what your results are!
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.