Health jokes
You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Sue-icide squad.
You're so fat, that you're fat.
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.