Health jokes
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!