Health jokes
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Memes
hahhahahahaha
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
My mental health.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!