Health jokes
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
Every god damn day
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.