Health jokes
Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.
I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.
Btw, it's a joke lol.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
What's something red that is bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.