Health jokes
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
Anong tawag sa cake na may ubo?
Edi cough cake! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAKAJAHA LT TLGA BOSIT
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Who is the blindest person in the world?