Health jokes
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.