Health jokes
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?
It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!