Health jokes
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."
Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Taco Bell makes you crappy.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.