What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Health Jokes
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Arden is so fat!
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.
