Health jokes
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”