Health jokes
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
Why did the lil kid cut himself?
Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?
Asians caused them both!
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"