Health jokes

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

Why did the butt let out a fart?

Answer: To wipe out humanity!

Why did the lil kid cut himself?

Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!

I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"

You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.