Health jokes

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?

A: A clothes hanger.

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?

Slim Shady.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

Why is Delta jealous?

Because Omicron took the final kill.

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."