Health jokes
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?
… A quarter pounder with cheese.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.
Parademic
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!