Health jokes
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.
Parademic
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."