Grocery jokes
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back with the milk!
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
What store is the most public?
Publix!
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a bottle of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Pillsbury was a fruit.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.