Grocery jokes
Why does the Democratic party want the Republican party to breed rabbits?
Because Democrats are tired of paying for raisins at the grocery store.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
Why does an orphanage have milk?
Because Dad never came back with the milk.
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a bottle of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.