Grocery jokes

Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?

A: Jew-Osco

How do you get a discount off groceries?

Scan the emo kid's wrists.

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

My disabled dad went to the grocery store.

He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.

Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.

What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.

Why does an orphanage have milk?

Because Dad never came back with the milk.

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

So Stephen Hawking walked into a grocery store.

Never mind.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

When is the peanut butter due to arrive?

In a Jif.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.