Grocery jokes
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
Yo mama's so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
So Stephen Hawking walked into a grocery store.
Never mind.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.