Grocery jokes
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
Lettuce ketchup.
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
Yo mama so stupid, she starved in a grocery store!
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What store is the most public?
Publix!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.