Grocery Jokes

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

WHat store has the most vegetables... A nursing home

I saw a disabled person in the super market they was at the vegetable isle

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P

Why do orphans eat cerial without milk? Because thier dad never came home from the store.

aking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

Young Couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

What store is the most public?

Publix!

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping and I was starving so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times but nothing new was in their

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong but I thought they were talking about a food so I said wrong yummy

Milk makes you tall right? Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk??

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?

He kept dropping the BEETS

Whats the difference between your dad and grocery shopping he didn't come back with the milk

How does a rapper pay for his groceries?

With a SICK FLOW of cash

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose tell his family he/she was a fruit now he/she's a vegetable at least there still in the produce section

I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory

Shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store. He was asked to give an EGGsplanation.