Grocery jokes

What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!

Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.

Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Lettuce ketchup.

Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"

What do you call an infant with no legs?

Ground beef.

Yo mama's so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?

Because their dad never came home from the store.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What did the squash say to the tomato?

Ketchup!

My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.

He never came back.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

What's an Asian's favorite food place?

Answer: Petco

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.