Government jokes
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
When do Americans answer their door?
Once freedom rings! ❤️🤍💙
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
Stop blaming Bush. He is white, it couldn’t have been him.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?
Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
"Welcome to the gulag."
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Who got shot in the head? JFK did!
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.