Government jokes
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What does Trump stand for?
Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
What borders on stupidity?
Scotland and the EU.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Ppnutty68 is JFK's vice senior Ohio president.
Trump's coming back.
Yes, yes~.
Trump's coming back!
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dictator.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.