Government jokes
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.
Trump got a new jet.
He's probably already licked the windows.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
I don't laugh at Trump.
I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"