Government jokes
Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
Charlene's hairline was so big that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
What is similar between Hitler and Trump?
They both want to keep races out.
Why is Texas the worst state ever?
They only have one star.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.