I was in Russia at a stand up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice though
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Trump's coming back.
Yes, yes~.
Trump's coming back!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
What is the Mexican police number?
9 Juan Juan.
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
WWG1WGA.
Trump 2024!
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.
This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.
Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.
