Government jokes
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Yo mama is Obama.
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.
NASA is big fat poo 💩 no🍱🍠🥮🧀🍘🧀.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Hey, wanna hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.