Government jokes
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.
NASA is big fat poo 💩 no🍱🍠🥮🧀🍘🧀.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Hey, wanna hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Q: What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? A: Magic!
What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?
White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
Nobody:
JFK: :) Hi guys!
JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.
Orphans are banned in Alabama.