Government jokes
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.
NASA is big fat poo 💩 no🍱🍠🥮🧀🍘🧀.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Hey, wanna hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"