What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
The last two presidents of the US.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
Bush is innocent, he's white...
What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
Hey, Britain, no queen? :(
As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...
Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"
Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"
Kim Jong-Un thicc af.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
I was in Russia at a stand up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice though
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Trump's coming back.
Yes, yes~.
Trump's coming back!
