God

God jokes

Panda

    • Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat... Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!" Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

  • 0
    • God memes

    Teacher

    • A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

    The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

    The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

    *Principal:* What is 3+3?

    *Boy:* 6.

    *Principal:* 6+6.

    *Boy:* 12.

    The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

    *Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

    *Boy:* Legs.

    *Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

    *Boy:* Pockets.

    *Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

    *Boy:* Coconut.

    *Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

    The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

    *Boy:* Bubble gum.

    *Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

    *Boy:* Tent.

    *The principal was looking restless*

    *Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

    *Boy:* Wedding ring.

    *Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

    *Boy:* Nose.

    *Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

    *Boy:* Arrow.

    *Principal:* O MY GOD.

    *Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

    *Boy:* Fork.

    *Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

    *Boy:* Surname.

    *Principal:* Ohooo !

    *Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

    *Boy:* Heart.

    *Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

    Stereotype

    • Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).

    The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).

    The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)

    The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)

    The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!

    The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)

    The teen: QUAL (WHICH).

    The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).

    The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).

    *A phone buzzes.*

    The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?

    Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?

    *Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*

    The teen: HAIR GEL

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    • School

    • Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

    Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

    Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

    "Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

    "Correct," says the teacher.

    The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

    Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

    "Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

    "Correct again," says the teacher.

    The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

    This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

    Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

  • 40
    • God memes

    Community talk

    • The Vessel faced The Kraken, the False Embodiment of Death. The Vessel wouldn't survive. He knew that. But he no longer cared. Perhaps he never cared. He had never been one to see himself as a person of value, even if the others tried to convince him otherwise. His eyes closed for a moment. He had time to reflect before the final trial. The calm before the storm, some might call it, but the Vessel knew he had already… Read more

    • Ever just beg god to make you pass out because your alone with your thoughts and all you can think about is how he used to love you and he never will again? How much he hurt you? How scared you are to love or even like anyone, so you just fuck around and you hurt people? Ever just put yourself in lockdown mode? Push people away just because you have any attacthement. People you would or should like, you dont. Ever just bet hurt to a point it feels like it happend years ago but also yesterday?

    Community