God jokes

Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?

Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.

Daughter: You so get on my nerves.

Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.

Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.

Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

I fucking hate school, god damn!

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Orphan: I'm an orphan.

Technoblade: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

Why did Technoblade die?

Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.

Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe

God bless the shooting that happened.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.