Go jokes
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
I go beep like a Jeep.
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Why was the orphan confused at the baseball game?
They kept yelling, "Go home!"
A cop stopped a guy for speeding. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied. The cop said, "But there is no traffic." And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
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Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.