I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
What did Rob O'Neill say before he shot Osama Bin Laden between the eyes?
"Go to HELLakbar!"
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
Go touch some grass, bro.
I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
