Go jokes

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?

9/11 victim!

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Sultan Khan was a courtier in Akbar's court. He wanted to make his son the royal treasurer, but his cunning plans always failed.

Sultan Khan thought that Birbal was the cause of his son's misfortune, so he looked for an opportunity to get rid of Birbal. One day, Birbal was late to the emperor's court. Seeing this, Sultan Khan said, "Your Majesty, don't you think that Birbal is taking advantage of his position because he has been late these days?"

"This must be another plan to trap Birbal," said Akbar. So he decided to wait and see what Birbal would do. Akbar sat next to Suman Khan and said, "Yes, he must be punished."

Suman Khan was amazed to see his plan work this time. "From now, you should not agree to anything he says today," Akbar replied, "Agreed."

Soon, Birbal came to court. "Please spare me for being late. My wife was unwell." Akbar immediately said, "No."

Birbal was surprised. He tried again by saying, "But that's the truth. Please believe me." Again, Akbar replied, "No."

"There must be something going on," thought Birbal to himself. Then he asked, "Can we discuss important matters today?" Akbar immediately replied, "No, we will not."

"Then may I go home?" asked Birbal. Akbar said, "No, you will stay here this evening," said Akbar, enjoying himself. Birbal understood what was happening.

"Oh, so this is my game. The emperor is saying no to all my questions." He looked around and saw Suman Khan smiling, seeing him in trouble. "This must be his idea. Let me teach him a lesson."

The clever Birbal thought to Akbar, "Very well," he said. "But I have a last request. Will you please listen to me?" Akbar saw what Birbal had done.

He was very pleased and called loudly, "No, I will not listen to you." That is all Birbal said before returning to his seat. Suman Khan was stunned and angry, and Birbal had outwitted him, so he could not make his son the treasurer.

What did one ballsack say to another?

"You stay here, I'll go pee."

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

Gwen, don't worry, everyone hates you, by the way! Have anything to say? Then who cares? You can't stop me.

Unknown person is going to give you a hint of who hates you...we were in a club, a meeting...btw this is you!

[Image of Gwen]

Later, Bitch!!!!!!!!

Hellen Keller went to go grab her bouncy balls.

Man: Ouch!

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

Where did Amy go after the explosion?

Everywhere.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?

To see his closest relatives.

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

Mom: Go water the plants.

Me: But it’s raining outside.

Mom: Go grab the umbrella.

Me: What???

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

[god creating alligators]

God: See that log?

Angel: Yes...?

God: Now fill it with teeth.

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!