Give jokes

Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?

I only stuff the turkey.

What did a fat cow give you?

Homework.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Give a blowjob.

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Q: What kinda bees give milk?

A: Boobees.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

"Never going to give you up." That's not what the orphan's parents said.

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.