Give jokes

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're all shellfish.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

Q: What kinda bees give milk?

A: Boobees.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

"Never going to give you up." That's not what the orphan's parents said.

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

LGBTQ = LeBron giving back to qommunities (communities).

Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.

Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it?

And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.