Gift jokes

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.

The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.

The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.

What am I?

A: A baby.

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.