Gift jokes

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?

Because he only comes once a year.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?

Murder.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

A. Cancer.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.