Gift jokes

What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?

"Time to hit the sack!"

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.

What did Sally get for Easter?..

Nail polish.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?

Because he only comes once a year.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?

Murder.

Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

A. Cancer.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.