Gift jokes

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?

He couldn't even open it.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?

Long sleeves.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?

Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."