Gift jokes
What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.