What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
