Gift jokes
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
What did a fat cow give you?
Homework.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Jesus told the world if he had to pick a body all over again that he would pick himself! He believes he is (God's gift to this earth) the best looking, the smartest, pure perfection!
Hahaha LOL Jajaj.
And I Quote! "THAT'S WHY I PUT MYSELF NAKED ON THE CROSS IN CHURCHES TO SEE MY BODY !!!!"
GROSSEST, SCAREST, UGLIST, SLOPPY, DISRESPECTFUL, DISGUSTING, IT.
If he actually ate the bullshit that came out of his mouth, He wouldn't have made up satan! He wouldn't Rape us, He wouldn't embody us! He wouldn't try to be us! USING OUF VOICES! USING OUR SPIRIT!
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.