Get jokes

What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

You can get on with a prostitute!

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?

199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).

Get?

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Your mom who?

O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!

What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?

I don't get mitosis.

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

What time is it when dogs get hurt?

Time to take your dog to the vet!

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

P = Person (not original "pun")

P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!

(Communications with this person are now blocked)

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.