Get

Get jokes

Insult

    • I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

  • 5

    • Star

    • I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.

  • 1
    • Get memes

    Category

    • (Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

  • 4

    • Boy

    • Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

    What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

    Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

    Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

  • 0

    • Animal

    • What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

    A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

  • 0

    • Doctor

    • Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

  • 2

    • Parent

    • My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

    Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

    Bar

    • A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

    "For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

    The man with glasses frowns.

    "Where did all the others go, then?"

  • 2

    • Dad

    • Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?

    Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.

    Daughter: You so get on my nerves.

    Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.

    Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.

    Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.

    Meth

    • You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

    Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

  • 2

    • Job Interview

    • Man: I'm here for the job interview.

    Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

    Man: Just anywhere?

    Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

    Man: Yeah, that's me.

    (Shakes hands and sits back down)

    Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

    Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

    Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

    Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

    Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

    Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

    Employer: No.

    Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

    Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

  • 0