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So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.