Get jokes
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always know where the BEAT is.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Why can't Indians play football?
Every time they get a corner, they open up a shop. 🙉
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.