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Dark Humor

    • If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

    Double whammy.

    Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

  • 17

    • Police Officer

    • A man is pulled over by a police officer.

    The policeman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"

    The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license, please?"

    The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."

    "You don't have one?"

    The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."

    The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"

    "I'm sorry, I can't do that."

    The officer says, "Why not?"

    "I stole this car."

    The officer says, "Stole it?"

    The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

    At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?!"

    "She's in the trunk if you want to see."

    The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his own car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

    The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"

    The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

    "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

    "Murdered the owner?"

    The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?"

    The man opens the trunk, but there is nothing there.

    The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"

    The man says, "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

    The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.

    "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."

    The man digs through his pockets, pulls out a wallet, and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

    The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

  • 4

    • Brick

    • Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

    What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

    What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

    The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

    Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

    Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

  • 11
    • Get memes

    Car

    • If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

    I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

  • 3

    • Doctor

    • The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

    The doctor says, "Next, please."