Get jokes

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.

If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?

Zeedonk.

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

Because they'll get a hole in one!

What time is it when it gets dark out?

Bed time.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

Why did the pedo cross the road?

To get to the pre-school on the other side.