Get jokes

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.

Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

POV: You go to Asian prison.

You get served extra rice.

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

Which country can swim?

Finland. Get it? Fin Land?

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.