Get jokes
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it's a soap opera.
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.
Memes
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.