Get jokes
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.