Get jokes

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?

He kept dropping the BEETS!

Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?

He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.

How did Anakin get away with cheating?

By choking on his wife!