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What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
Why do orphans not get family size [items]?
Because they don’t have a family to share with.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?
He couldn't get up the kerb.
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
To get to Birds Eye.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.