Get jokes

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Umm, Tyrone did not get his chicken.

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

They both get smoked in bowls.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?

They always getting hit.