Get jokes

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

They both get smoked in bowls.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad away!

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

Trump built a wall that Mexicans can't get over it.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

Why can't you get water in the North Pole?

Because there is no well.

What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?

A gas grenade.