Get jokes
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
Get off of here, kids!
This is whats going to happen to all the junior high girls on here.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What's the difference between Jane Doe and a field?
A field gets harvested in the fall, while Jane Doe gets plowed.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.