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You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!

How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?

You get a good connection.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?