Get jokes
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
des get back on DND beyond
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock. Who's there?
The chicken...
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.