Funny jokes

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.