Funny jokes

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.