Funny jokes

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."