Funny jokes

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Sex is like math.

You add a bed.

Subtract the clothes.

Divide the legs.

And pray you don’t multiply.

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

A: It’s always 90 degrees.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.

I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.