A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" “Of course” she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man’s wife says “Thanks, it means a lot”

Where would you take Stephen hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC world

At every funeral it’s a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me

What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death? No funeral costs

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

When I go to weddings old people will tell me I’m next but when I go to funerals I tell old people they’re next.

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

At weddings, old people poke me and say “you’re next!” So I do the same to them at funerals

What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?

Burial grounds.

A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head…" Me: “Honestly…Probably his ass.”

Why was there a box in a church because their was a funeral

When you say to your friend I’ve got your back then at his funeral you see in his coffin he’s missing his middle piece.

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Teacher: We have new student today class, come introduce yourself. Student: my name is Buttitches Teacher: Please tell us your real name. Student: Buttitches. Teacher: I’m calling the police. Police: son please tell me your real name or I’m going to shot you. Student: Buttitches. Police: shots gun… A few days the police goes to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying the mom says my buttitces the police says we’ll scratch it lady

At weddings, old people tell kids “you’re next”. At funerals, little kids tell old people “you’re next”.

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