Funeral Jokes

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What's black and white and red all over? A massacre at a funeral.


A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

in Puns

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

in Animal

A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

Mr O'Dea
in Puns

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" "Of course" she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man's wife says "Thanks, it means a lot"

Killstreak 12

What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death? No funeral costs


My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals


Saying I’m sorry and I apologise are basically the same thing... except at a funeral


They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!

Among us

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.

She was too young.

crippling depression
in Depression

At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me


My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward

in Roast

You're the type of person to play girl on fire during a funeral


Corpses aren’t funny- they’re dead serious


Cremation is my only hope for a hot smoking body


I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

in Orphan

Why cant orphans have a funeral? Because their parents wont be there


I'm sorry and my bad mean the same thing, unless your at a funeral.


what con you say both at a funeral and during sex???

this whould be much better if you where alive