Funeral Jokes

Mr O'Dea
in Puns

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" “Of course” she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man’s wife says “Thanks, it means a lot”

Broccolollie

Saying I’m sorry and I apologise are basically the same thing… except at a funeral

AFellowPerson

My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You’ll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals

Anonymous

When you at a funeral and you laugh at the body…everyone stares and one person said isn´t that your mom…?

Anonymous
in Orphan

Why cant orphans have a funeral? Because their parents wont be there

Among us

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.

She was too young.

Evelynn

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!

Overwatch_Gamer321
in Puns

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

Anonymous

what con you say both at a funeral and during sex???

this whould be much better if you where alive

7
MuaHaHajgditsostsotz
in Animal

A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

0
in Roast

You’re the type of person to play girl on fire during a funeral

CloudyGamer39

I’m sorry and my bad mean the same thing, unless your at a funeral.

Anonymous

Where would you take Stephen hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC world

1
crippling depression
in Depression

At every funeral it’s a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me

Anonymous

My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward

5
Anonymous
in Skyscraper

At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head…" Me: “Honestly…Probably his ass.”

your_____

I was always poked and told at weddings your next…

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next…

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Anonymous
in Depression

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

snaxxx
in Roast

Ex: baby i miss u me: sorry i cant talk im at a funeral Ex: who died?! me: my feelings 4 u bitch